Dear Mom: You Can’t Do It Alone and You Weren’t Meant To

It’s not that you’re deficient
It’s not that you need to try harder
(It could be that your systems aren’t capatable for your home)

But even if you had the perfect systems
The best products
You would still need other people

I recently just took a step of faith and started a mom’s group for moms in my immediate area and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made as a mom. (If you’re a mom or caregiver in the Stone Mountain/Stonecrest area and are interested in learning more and possibly joining, feel free to connect with me here).

I’ve been a mom for 4 1/2 years and have had 3 children in that time and am now finally experiencing the community I’ve longed for as a mom for so long.

This is Hanna, the baby bumble bee in our family hive 🙂

One mom from our group shared that of all the things she’s done in life, being a mother has been the hardest.

It resonated with me so much and I could completely relate. I’ve gone to some of the most difficult programs and prestigious schools, worked at incredibly demanding jobs, interned at amazing organizations and while all of these have required hard work, tenacity, and pure grit, it’s motherhood that has had the wildest learning curve for me.

It seems even at my smartest, strongest, most creative peak, it still requires more.

I used to think this meant I wasn’t enough or needed to just try harder.

Now I realize it’s because of the way I and many of us approached motherhood.

I approached it in an individualistic way. I saw myself responsible for my children’s education, styling, care for the home, meals, health appointments, spiritual development, extra curricular activities and more.

Every day and week I would try to accomplish mastering all of these categories and would get frustrated that I never felt I fully succeeded.

Nearly 5 years and 3 children later I’ve come to the humbling conclusion that I cannot do it alone. And The freeing conclusion that I was never meant to.

Today you may be feeling overwhelmed as a mom, you may feel like you’re behind or have been trying to juggle meal prepping with house keeping with appointments with extracurriculars with maintaining relationships and it seems the balls keep flying everywhere or one always seems to fall out of alignment.

The truth is the solution isn’t found solely in balance as we’re so often told. It’s not about striving to find the perfect balance of juggling everything. It’s about enlisting the support of others to help so you don’t have to juggle.

In a society that applauds independence and having it all together, it can feel strange or even wrong to reach out for help, but nothing is more natural.

When you look at motherhood throughout history it’s always been done in the context of community. Families lived together and supported one another.

Raising a child was never meant to be a one woman show but instead a deeply interdependent labor of love.

You don’t have to be superwoman, and you are no less a mom or woman for asking or needing help.

Right now I have laundry that needs to be folded, grad school assignments to prepare for, house projects I want to tackle, hair that needs to get washed, detangled, and braided and so many other items on my to list. I could try to do everything all at once by myself but from experience I know it would quickly lead to burnout.

I want to encourage you if you feel like you have a mounting to do list that’s threatening to overwhelm you to take a moment to breathe. Resist the urge to try to madly do it all at once (I’ve been there). Make a list of the things that are bothering you most, the areas you feel you need the most help in.

Next get a little more specific and create a small list of most immediate to dos. Check off the areas in that you need to do. For instance, every week I need to write a blog. That’s a goal I’ve set for myself that no one else can do for me. That’s an immediate to do that I would check off. Every thing that’s left unchecked, brainstorm who could help you meet or even completely meet that need. It may be a friend, family member, or someone who in the past has expressed a desire to help support you or your family.

Hopefully just writing that list has made you feel a little better and taken some pressure off you to do everything by yourself.

Even the famed Proverbs 31 woman who “rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household” (Prov 31:25a), had support for herself and family with women who came to help her called handmaidens or maidservants.

You are more than enough momma. You don’t have to be superwoman, it’s okay to need and ask for help.

For me I had to release the fear of being dependent, things not being perfect, the fear of being vulnerable, and humbly admit I needed help.

I’m praying with you today that you and I would walk in victory as women, wives, mothers, homemakers, entrepeneurs, careerwomen, students, and whatever other roles we hold:

“God I thank you that you are ultimately building my life, my house, and my family. I thank you that you have such good plans for me and never give me more than I can bear. Where I feel overwhelmed I pray for you to give me wisdom and insight as to the people You’ve strategically placed in my life to support me. Give me grace to do what I can, and I ask for practical support in the areas most bothering me right now (feel free to specifically name those areas). I thank You that You care for me and You will respond. Please guard my heart with Your peace in Jesus’ name, Amen”.

This is me and one of my best friends at a getaway we took right before Hanna was born 🙂 She is undeniably part of my village, someone I know God has placed in my life for sisterhood, support, and community. I’m so grateful for women like her that I can do life and even motherhood with. <3

I hope you were encouraged by this post and feel a little less pressured to do it all alone. Motherhood is a beautiful and often Herculean task, not meant to be done alone. Like the African Proverb reminds us, it truly takes a village to raise a child. Let’s recommit to reach out to ours today.

Sending you so much love from my family and my imperfect house this morning! 😀 Please feel free to share any insights, comments, or prayer requests you have I love hearing and responding to you! <3

Always remember, God is writing your story, Page by Page.

Much love!


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